The Vermont Paddlers Club

Fifteen hearty souls headed north for Labor Day weekend to enjoy the beautiful Ottawa River valley in Beachburg, Ontario.

After many carpool e-mails and phone calls all the rides were set and all participants headed up to Canada at various times on Friday. Ken and LeeAnn win the honors for first arrival and got the pick of where the group would be setting up our base camp. Jim and Dawn were the next to arrive. Last place goes to Paul and Chris.

After a quick camp set up, Ken and Jim headed up to McCoys for a little park and play. It was just starting to get dark but they managed to get in a scout of McCoys for Ken (first time he has seen it) and a few rides on Baby Face for Jim. By the time they got back to camp it was fully dark and a few more folks had arrived.

Tents were set up in the dark and some needed to pull together dinner. After a while we all circled around Tony's lantern filling in nicely as our campfire this evening. Exaggerated stories of past Ottawa trips, jokes and tales of the ride up kept us going well into the evening.

Saturday broke as a beautiful day with sunshine and warm temperatures. It took some time to get everyone moving but we eventually got to the put in with a goal of running the Middle Channel today. As usual, McCoy's rapid is an eyeful for those that had never seen it. Ken had the luxury of seeing it the night before - or maybe not as it might have kept him awake all night. Tony and Chris got their first look this morning. As is the case with the Ottawa, McCoy's was filled with activity - paddlers, rafts, many people on the banks wondering what to do. We scouted and picked our various lines and ran. We spent a bit of time playing around in Baby Face until the traffic got a bit much, including a raft running over Dan in the eddy. Time to move on!

The Middle provides a good warm up to three days of paddling. After a bit of flat water the action picks up with Iron Ring, S-Turn and Butterfly. We all walked around Garvins, an impressive drop. The group was entertained by a couple of boaters running the main chute cleanly. We then finished off with Little No Name and Big No Name. There was some surfing, scouting, swimming and multiple runs. Then the flat water paddle to camp.

After an appropriate amount of cocktail hour time the majority of the group headed up to Garburator to catch the end of the rodeo being held there. By the time we got there the show was over but there were a few competitors left and some other boaters strutting their stuff. We hung out and watched the show for a bit. This also allowed everyone to pick their line(s) for Sunday's run!

Back to camp to catch the end of the Ontario King of Clubs competition. The remaining alcohol infused events included Kayak Toss and Throw Rope Accuracy. Interspersed was a BBQ which the Vermont Team (completely unregistered for the event) poached salads, burgers and sausages. No sense letting good food go to waste!

Sunday morning broke with a chill and a drizzle. Not exactly the weather to make you jump out of a warm and dry tent! Sunday morning is the time for the traditional early park and play routine. We put on at 7:30 in the freakin' morning! Kerry and Selby opted for Push Button and Garburator. Most of the others headed for Baby Face. After a couple of hours we all managed to make it back to camp for brunch.

After some serious lounge time we headed back for a Main Channel run at 1:00pm. Everyone negotiated McCoy's with various degrees of success. Phil's Hole managed to eat a couple of boaters. Then the ever present Horseshoes (Left and Right) got a couple more. The river was less crowded today. I guess all the locals checked the weather report - Saturday 85 degrees and sunny, Sunday 65 degrees with clouds and rain. I wonder which day I'll paddle??? With less people on the river we spent a little time on Baby Face before heading downstream.

The trip from McCoy's to Upper Lauren is like lake paddling through many islands. Not something to be attempted by first timers! After about 1.5 miles of flat water we could hear the roar. Since everyone (except Frank) had seen the rapid the prior evening we opted to run without scouting. The "Anns" (LeeAnn, JoAnn and Dawn-Anne) walked up from camp (4.5 miles one way!) to watch the action. As is the case with a large group on the Ottawa there were a couple of different outcomes. Most made it through without issue but there were a couple of swims. Frank, who was tight on Jim's tail at the start of the rapid, ended up losing Jim midway and finding another orange boat to follow. By the time Frank eddied out at the bottom of Lower Lauren he realized his mistake. Oops!

Some of the play boaters dropped into Garburator for a surf. The most memorable ride would be Tony surfing and then endering a canoe. The crowd roared their approval. I have never witnessed an open boat in Garb before!

After Upper Lauren the group proceeded through Lower Lauren and Push Button. Push Button provided yet another play spot for folks to wash out their ears with Canadian whitewater. At this point we lost a couple of paddlers to fatigue and they took off. Nice thing about the Ottawa is that it does provide this mid point take out (and put in!). It was then on through Butcher's Knife and Brain Douche. That brought us on to the next big feature - The Normans (aka Criss Cross). Jim and Paul conferred if we should scout. They agreed to describe the line to the group and if anyone did not feel comfortable we would scout this rapid. The group said "Screw the scout, Let's Fire It Up!" And we did. Everybody nailed it. Then came Coliseum. This one we did scout. There are basically two lines - left and right. Jim led a small group (Tony, Paul and Dan) down the right slot while the rest of the group watched. As luck would have it another group of paddlers came and ran the left side. The scouting party got to see both lines run! Our group jumped on and ran the left side with some excitement but no swims. Ken, who had an urgent nature call (that frequently happens while scouting Coliseum), ended up at the top of a rapid he had never run and no one to show him the initial line! He headed down the right side solo and styled it! After the adrenaline levels receded to normal levels we headed for Dog Leg. You would think at this point the excitement would be over, but you would be wrong. On the approach, John flips and while protecting his face from the rock ledge he snapped his paddle clean in two! We found him and his boat but the paddle (both pieces) have been offered to the Ottawa river. Luckily, John had a break down paddle in his boat and after a quick assembly we were on our way. Black's was the last rapid and gave no one any problems. Then it was the flat water slog to camp.

We were met on the beach by the "Anns" including Kerry-Anne and Brock. And as much as we liked seeing them we were even more excited to see a cooler full of adult beverages! Cocktail hour #1 started right then and there! We hung for quite a while before getting the boats up to the parking lot and everyone back to camp.

The Big Pasta Feed. Jim had mentioned in his Ottawa logistics post a planned pasta feed for Sunday evening. This post was taken a couple of ways. The first was the way Jim intended, which is to say everyone bring their best camping pasta dish and we'll all sample everyone's creations and vote on the best one. The way most people interpreted the posting was that Jim was providing the Big Pasta Feed and everyone should bring various accompaniments. Well this was debated well into our second cocktail hour. And this cocktail hour included many munchies, beer, tequila, tattoos and wild turkey liquor. Slowly everyone forgot about the Big Pasta Feed. Much later in the evening, LeeAnn and Kerry fired up some pasta and we all shared. So in the end, there was pasta!

We raided the woods for some firewood and build a nice fire to hang around. Tall stories were told and the day's events relived. Even though Ottawa whitewater is huge, it got even bigger as the night progressed. As the evening went on we were joined by a few PBR drinking Canadians. There were plenty of good natured jabs at paddling styles, national pride, clubbing in Canada and hockey. By the end of the evening everyone's ribs hurt from laughing so hard.

Monday broke cool and damp. 60 degrees and cloudy is not the way to get a bunch of tired and sore paddlers moving. (and maybe still feeling the effects of the night before?) There were three schools of thought: 1) a no scout run of the Main Channel; 2) a park and play at Garb/Push Button; and 3) let's make a run for the border while there is still time. Six paddlers headed for the put in and proceeded through McCoys. After a little play on Baby Face (no one had much left in the tank at this point) it was downstream to meet up with the park and play crowd. The park and players were content with a few more turns on Push Button and calling it a day (there was talk of running the bottom portion). The rest continued to camp via the Main Channel. True to our goal, we did not scout anything to conserve time and energy. Brock, who had not seen Coliseum since last year (having missed it on Sunday) also figured not scouting was a good option. The group split on the lines (left/right). Brock had a bit of trouble with the very last hole at the bottom of the rapid. He was so close to running it clean but still popped out with a huge grin on his mug.

Then it was the last bit of flat water to go before hitting camp and the realization that this weekend was fast coming to a close. Everyone was packing and reflecting and the mood at camp was quite a bit quieter than the previous three days. Goodbyes were said and promises to repeat this adventure again next year. Then folks filtered out in their fully stuffed cars.

Ottawa FAQs

Q: How far is the Hockey Tape Museum from camp?

A: The Hockey Tape Museum is in Renfrew and is about 36 km from River Run.

Q: Does the Hockey Tape Museum even exist?

A: How would I freakin' know! There are those that have their doubts.

Q: Was Eric Jackson at the Ottawa Rodeo this weekend?

A: Indeed he was. His company's boats were well represented and his daughter won the Women's Division.

Q: Did the Vermont Team enter the Ontario King of Clubs competition?

A: We thought about it but in the end we are just too damn lazy.

Q: How does one win the King of Clubs championship?

A: Not entirely sure but it does involve large amounts of cheating and drinking.

Q: I heard Brock made some new Canadian friends this year. Is that true?

A: Brock meets new Canadian friends every year. This year was no different.

Q: What's a garburator?

A: It is a big freakin' wave/hole in the middle of the Upper Lauren rapid on the Ottawa's Main Channel and host of this year's Ottawa Rodeo. It is also what the Canadians call a kitchen garbage disposal.

Q: Can the term "Park & Play" be used to describe non paddling activities?

A: Indeed it can! Just use your imagination.

Q: I've heard the outhouses were quite a walk from the campfire.

A: It does seem that way. Luckily the Red Magnum was a close by alternative.

Q: The Ottawa camp is more like an isolated outpost. What do you drink there?

A: Mostly beer, wine, tequila and wild turkey liquor.

Q: Is it true that The Boyfriend and The Situation are teaming up to form a new reality series called "The Ottawa Shore"?

A: Gosh, I sure hope not.

Q: Does it ever rain at the Ottawa?

A: It did this year!

Q: Was Ken and LeeAnn's camper described as a "fish truck" this weekend?

A: One of our Canadian friends commented that if Ken was going for the fish truck look, he nailed it.

Q: What did the "Three Anns" do while the paddlers were on the water?

A: Let's see, there was a 24 mile bike ride in Quebec, yoga on the beach, a long 9 mile walk to watch the Vermont Team navigate Garburator, a dip a the beach, flat water paddling and a bit of shuttle-bunnying.

Q: When will Tony Shaw paddles be available in the States?

A: The marketing team was shooting video this weekend for the big splashy advertising campaign. Keep your eyes peeled...

Q: Speaking of Tony Shaw, have you ever seen hole tricks at Baby Face and Garberator like those he pulled off in an open canoe?

A: No, I have not.

Q: How did you keep those rowdy Canadians in line around the campfire?

A: We would ask them where the Stanley Cup is.

Q: Is it true you can hold a pasta feed for the entire Vermont crew and actually not serve any pasta?

A: Jim did seem to pull this trick off.

Q: How do you drink tequila in Canada if you don't have any shot glasses?

A: Crocs seem to be a good option.

Q: How does a Canadian answer the question "What do you paddle?"

A: "My balls off".

Q: Who won the Battle of the Ottawa Stand Up Comedians, Brock or his Canadian counterpart?

A: I'll give it to Brock but I'm a biased ugly American.

Q: Who was in the "I punched Phil's Hole" Club this weekend?

A: Pretty much everybody.

Q: How was Ken's front/back/side/upside down surf of Horseshoe?

A: Epic!

Q: How long was the line at the Highgate border crossing.

A: Nada, zip, zero. Not a car in line. Got through in less than a minute.

Q: Is the same true for the Canadians headed home?

A: Not even close. The line stretched down both lanes of I-89 for 1.5 miles.

Q: I heard "The Anns" made all the boys keep camp spic and span.

A: You obviously have not looked at the pictures.

Q: Are you planning on doing this again next year?

A: You bet!