March 4th, 2007

I'd much rather have a canoe
a Kayak would never quite do
my legs and my back
get sore in a yak
and it looks
like a giant Kazoo

February 6th, 2007

If Adam Smith's notions were right
A free market for ganja just might
Lead Corporate America
To REALLY take care o' ya
Raising Capitalism to truly new "heights"

April 11th, 2006

When a dog and her paddle were wed
really no more need be said
downriver she'd float
no need for a boat
with chin above water she sped

February 5th, 2006

A shady boat store made the news
The policeman just followed the clues
To the river he went round
All the campers had drowned
Turns out they'd bought tippy canoes

August 26th, 2005

Come hear of the paddler named Kim
who is known for her talent at swim
though most would give up
she'd hold her head up
and say "dang it, let's try it again"

Some more on this paddler named Kim
she took one too many a swim
her season is done
but springtime will come
I can't wait 'til she joins us again!

April 27th, 2005

Treper I am, wacky I'm not,
bring me my kayaky and I'll show you what's hot.
Water in, water out,
over the falls and around the bend I found a new route.
A river here, a river there,
I rolled over hit a rock and lost all my hair.
The Battenkill ain't for me,
I wrecked my kayak on a big ole tree.
Maybe I am wacky,
cause I'm going for it in my brand new Kayaky.

March 17th, 2005

My dooryard's all cold and all whitey
Not the whitewater I dream of each nighty
Mr. Sun please get hotter
Transform snow to water
For paddlers to frolic, all righty!

March 13th, 2005

I'll give ye some more recent prattle
Wright Hartman can no longer paddle
And since Alden has left
Vermont is bereft
Of loonies who creek with one paddle

August 30th, 2004

I sit here at my job just writin'
While all the paddlers are delightin'
As rain in excess of our dreams
Fills all the rivers and streams
Stay here I must, but not without fightin'

Perhaps later on I'll get my chance
To put on my top and wet suit pants
I'd paddle 'til all muscles were tired
If I leave now, maybe I'd get fired
Then decide if I should cry or dance

June 9th, 2004

not yet rated

The rivers are all high and rising
In June this is very surprising
Guess Pat Cleary's rain dance
Will give paddlers a chance
To find what they find tantalizing!

October 14th, 2003

A paddler and geek from Vermont
Selected each color and font
'Til his website was done
And much praise he had won
(or at least that's what he would want)

November 9th, 2002

There once was a man who drank beer
When some class five rapids were near
He got out of his boat
And decided to float
And thought, "I'll use this here bottle to steer!"

He wasn't just swimming for fun
But for the college girls lying in the sun
He thought he'd impress
And then they'd undress
So much slower do drunk minds run!

When he waved, he thought, "Woe is me!"
As they laughed at what they did see,
"That guy is a jerk!"
"His roll needs some work."
"He's sure not with VPC!"

October 2nd, 2002

There once was a paddler from Milton,
Who gave up due to all of the tiltin'.
Cause if he wants to tip,
He'll go on a trip,
And stay dry at somebody's Hilton.

July 8th, 2002

Bluewater Network are commies
whining for their mommies
to take away our toys
from the girls and the boys

June 19th, 2002

There was a new 'yaker from Warren
She smiled when she saw it was pourin'
The rain it a-fell
The 'yaker could tell
The run would be far, far from borin'

November 16th, 2001

not yet rated

Once I went to a picnic
And I took my friend Nick with
But some very large ants
Being finished with the tents
And all the food; they picked Nick.

/It's a very sad end
being eaten by an ant../
c. 15. Nov. 2001

November 16th, 2001

A paddler who was from Nantucket
Had to bail his boat out with a bucket,
He said, "What a no-brainer!"
"I stared at the strainer,"
"But stupidly, I tried to duck it!"

November 5th, 2001

not yet rated

There once was a lass from Shelburne
All those around her she spurned
Her wealth she did wield like a warrior's shield
Alas it was for friends that she yearned.

May 19th, 2001

not yet rated

As I sit here thinking and writing
The state bird, the black fly is biting

It attacks me and sucks out my blood
All I can think of is the next flood

So I can get in my boat and go capsizing and righting

May 14th, 2001

Through ice water our kayaks deliver
A spectacle that makes the crowd shiver
They think we are crazy
But certainly not lazy
"Look, the dummies are paddling up river!"

May 12th, 2001

not yet rated

Happy I am that it is raining at last
Hopefully the rivers will fill up fast

I have been singing the same old song
"It has been so dry for so long"

Now I can put that in the past, paddle real fast, and hope you don't find me crashed!

April 27th, 2001

not yet rated

On a warm sunny day in May
I'll grab all my gear and go play
There will be friends, both new and old
The water will not be too cold
And I will play and I'll play and play!

April 22nd, 2001

There's no camping this year at the West.
But the paddling will still be the best.
So just sleep in your van,
Or where ever you can,
Just don't miss out on this annual fest.

(free beer if you can recite this at the take out
below the bridge into the park. Don't forget to vote!)

April 19th, 2001

When whitewater season abounds
We paddle through low-lying towns
Raining or sunny
Bank-full or bony
Primordial yearning resounds

Then Eric and I run the Browns
State troopers advise: "Don't be clowns
"With water aplenty
"It won't be too funny
"If one of you idiots drowns."

Downriver boats haplessly bounce
Through deep snow we sheepishly trounce
Once home we say: "Honey,
"No insurance money."
And to our surprise get -- no frowns!

April 7th, 2001

After the long winter we've had
For some rain, I'd be glad
The ice would break up
I could fill up my cup
On the Lamoille, the West, and the Mad.

April 7th, 2001

Ray Ingram, he's real great
For his Fiddlehead slalom, I can't wait
He always needs volunteers
However not in arears
So call him now, don't hesitate!

March 23rd, 2001

There is a sweet river you should see.
It's pool/drop, class III/IV, the Mettawee.
But take cortisone,
when on shore alone,
those green plants are all poison ivy!

March 21st, 2001

I'll give ye a fine bit o' prattle
Wright Hartman, he uses one paddle
C-1 is his boat
Down rivers he'll float
I've said it, now I'll just ski-daddle

March 19th, 2001

There once was a paddler from Calais
Who filled his boat up with hay.
When asked why this stuff
He'd reply, rather gruff,
"It keeps the horse who's steering my boat at bay."

March 4th, 2001

There once was a paddler from Kent
Who capsized wherever he went
From bottom to top
He just couldn't stop
Til all of his energy was spent